As of today I had gone 20 days without a day off. It doesn't seem too bad at first, but when you're trying to get your couple hours of sleep in before morning rounds, and the night is fractured by repeated pages, the fatigue overwhelms you. You look at the pager "patient neuro exam changed" and you ask yourself, "Can I get another 10 minutes of sleep before calling? Maybe 15 minutes before I go and check in on them?" Clearly judgment is impaired, and after 30 seconds of bickering between the ever dwindling sane portion of your brain, the drowsiness clears and you remember that for every 10 of these concerning pages, one or two may be real. It only takes one or two out of ten, or even a hundred, to motivate you to get out of bed and check on the patient. Only one or two pages, but one or two lives possibly in danger nonetheless. They may be bleeding into their brain, or maybe having seizures unbeknownst to the nurse or lay observers. The fear of what may happen if this concern is warranted gets the residents tired, overworked, and unnaturally fatigued body to move at the even feebler cadence of his brain. Yes we do our due diligence. But it's scary that, even for a second, we think not to.
Tomorrow's my day off!!! Friends and good food on the horizon. Something to remind me that I'm still human. To remind me what life we're trying to preserve, prolong, and save.
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