I haven't really been updating my blog recently if you haven't noticed. Part of the reason is that much of the calls and post call days have started to blur together without anything novel or interesting to add. I'm getting used to the job to a point where I'm not scared or clueless or scared clueless when I assess a patient in the ED anymore. I'm starting to be able to give advice to other services during consultations with more confidence without needing to ask my senior resident about every single detail (although I still confirm my recommendations with them before finalizing my note). Two months have passed, ten more to go...
Today I had a pretty good day in the OR. Only weeks before I was fumbling with my knot tying while working with dura, afraid that if I tied too tightly I would tear it, too loosely there'd be a CSF leak when I closed this layer of brain covering. For some reason today the experience and practice caught up to me and I was able to work pretty proficiently without any problems. They say you can teach a monkey how to operate... I'm glad to see I'm catching up to the monkey.
Despite knowing how to work up and treat the majority of patients that come our way, there'll always be things that the neurosurgery team will disagree with the ICU team on regarding patient care. This will inevitably lead to arguments, and finger pointing at the R2s who obviously should know better. When you're working 100+ hours a week, with your vacations spent with the expectation that you'll be reading and publishing academic papers, the beatings seem a little much. But they say that if you're looking for a pat on the back for a job well done, you shouldn't be in neurosurgery. You're digging around in someone's brain for crying out loud. There's no room for error, laziness, or complacency. So the beatings will continue until morale improves. And we understand why. Kinda.
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