always remember, and never forget

I used to be a fairly sentimental guy. I'd listen to the slow jams, be able to turn any spoken word into prose, and mentated little phrases and speeches on friendship, love, loyalty, etc... I was a humanist in some sense, an anthrope if you will. But the more I isolated myself in my books and labs, the more I lost touch with people, obviously. But I guess the thing that bothers me upon reflection is that it doesn't really bother me at all. Well at least until today. I forgot my best friend's birthday, second year running. Last year it was because I was in the middle of intern year orientation, and the days were a frenzy of new people and information. This year I'm actually an intern, and being on call running around the hospital isn't the most conducive setting to allow for reflection on the people in your life. Not that she's an all star best friend either (yes you know what I'm talking about), having forgotten my birthday as well last year. Though I'm convinced she just pretended to to make me feel better about forgetting hers... she would be that kind of friend if she were smart enough to remember things, but she's pretty dumb actually, so more likely than not she just forgot (:

With sleep deprivation comes memory consolidation problems. I don't remember much of anything anymore. If it's not on my patient list sheet with my boxes of tasks to do, labs to follow up on, radiology studies to get reads on, patients to discharge, notes to write, orders to order... if it's not there, I don't "remember". This piece of paper is my brain, it's the only thing with information worth keeping throughout the day. My life utterly reduced to check boxes of people I do not know, nor will ever meet again once they leave this place. And yet there's no check box for calling my best friend on her birthday. I wonder if being a great doctor means you suck as a person outside the hospital? People say it can be done... but I obviously have a ways to go.

Clearly, I'm not fit for human consumption.