Monday, February 01, 2010

Moments of Inspiration

The monotony of intern year is not without its moments. Moments of reflection, moments of fatigue. Moments that take your breath and others that give you life. But the monotony of intern year is usually without these moments in its monotony. The shrill alarm that ends the peace found in the passing near death state we so learn to love, reminding us that we are to rejoin the world of the living, the suffering - the not dead. Early morning rounds. Moments of "crap, I forgot..." and others of "Yea, I'm smart, I know." But even self complimenting gets old. Orders, orders, orders. Follow up this, follow up that. "Patient's family is in the room." "But he said he'll go down for the study if you give him IV dilaudid."Day in. Day out. And nights in between. But these moments, oh these rare moments, when one sees the glimmer of life in the sea of repetition and death.

What were they...

I don't remember...

And the incessant pages go on. The late night admissions leave shards in the once tranquil tapestry of thoughts. And we forget the rare moments as the not so rare, the constant, the incessant, the flooding of uninspiring feculence flushes us back into waking realism.

Maybe they weren't so great.

Waste: A 15 year old boy, so much life ahead. Dead now. Found face down in a splay of syringes. Thirty-four weeks I carried him. He cried after his first shot; so different now with his pin cushion arms. Such a damn waste of life. His life must mean something. A liver. Two kidneys. Three meters of small bowel. Three lives saved out of tragedy.

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About Me

I'm a quixotic idealist that's readjusting to the reality of the world around him. An aesthetic at heart, willing to not shower a week at a time to go camping, exploring, hiking, etc. I love food, poker, and anything that can be turned into a competition.