the problem with staying awake when you're not supposed to is that often times the paths of your conscious mind begin to blur. the lucid becomes mirky, the crystals now limestone. maybe i'm getting nostalgic. maybe now that i'm at the edge of the world, ready to embark on something that matters i'm getting cold feet. the human lust for opposites permeates our condition as people. it drives me crazy. we never know what we have until it's gone. we don't know it has begun until it's over. all is fair in love and war. comfort breed contempt and children. actually that last one had nothing to do with this topic but it's an interesting quote.
i believe i'm at an all time low on endogenous intoxicant. those beautiful opiates, endorphins, and neuropeptides that remove us from the reality of our days. namely they are: chemical fluctuations in an evolutionary mechanism to pass on our genes, the depression of our reticular activation system and downmodulation of the thalamocortical tract, and ethanol ... simply put: love, sleep, and alcohol.
not being someone that drinks, i'm short outta luck when it comes to inebriation i'm afraid. being a poor med student i can't afford the luxury of love. and being someone with bigger aspirations than he can swallow, sleep is a distant dream as well.
one of my friends was playing all her depressing music cause she's been kinda in a rut. i told her it wasn't healthy at first, but sitting here bored outta my mind i realize how beautiful it is to twist your own soul in bittersweet anguish in the memories and feelings of other heart trodden beings . not only do they feel the pain you feel, but they've colored and adorned themselves with shades of their own. it is this ensemble of misery that cries out to us, pleading us, be a part of my melancholy... in our unified tears we are strong, alone are wet eyes are pitiable.